So this is it. I have begun to spew my opinion onto the massiveness that is the interwebs. Armageddon has begun. My name is Akmal and I shall be your host for these few brief moments where I have managed to grab hold of your internet age attention-deficit mind away from facebook.
So the day before was Valentine's day. A day you get to tell people you love them. If you do this, then all other days you get to tell them to go screw themselves for that is your well earned right. St. Valentine, the patron saint of commercialism, is who this day is named after.
According to reliable sources, there are a couple of St. Valentines, all apparently killed by the Romans. Man those Romans were douchebags. They didn't like these hippie-esque saints and promptly told them to bugger off. Roman's don't stand for that love shit. Your love ain't building Rome no more roads or aqueducts. Coliseums don't run on love, they run on blood. Saint Blood, now there's a saint the Romans would have have rooted for.
Anyway so Valentine's day is when women think "loving gifts and sweet poetry" and men think "oh crap it's Valentine's day, fuuuuuuu". Companies should take advantage of this and jack up all their prices on the morning of February 14th. That's right. That'll be $149.99 for those daffodils and $369.99 for that box of ferrero rocher. Better fork it over pal 'cause the missus don't want no frozen yogurt for her Valentine's gift.
On that topic, aren't flowers the most useless gift ever? You can't eat 'em. You can't play with 'em. Sure they look and smell nice, but they die in about 3 days and then they look and smell like rot. You wouldn't give someone a puppy that would die in 3 days, "His name is rover. Don't get too attached. No need to get him a collar just buy a shovel and a gravestone". I guess it's because you can't really get that attached to flowers. Well maybe if you're a hippie.
Now chocolates I'm all for. Not those boxes of assorted hope-I-don't-get-the-one-that-tastes-like-toejam chocolates, but nice ones like m&ms or twix. Chocolate was probably invented by some guy who was ticked off by a fat person. He may have also been responsible for the invention of cake and ice cream.
Anyway I have ranted enough. I hope all of you wasted your money well on Valentine's and bought your right to slack off for the rest of the year.
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